Okay, maybe not, but they sure did make a hot video which may or may not have been ripped by Pepsi’s new “Refresh Everything” Campaign.

That is awesome.  In case you are wondering where the title came from, it is from a speech by Packer great Reggie White back in the day.

He also got off these gems.

“When you look at the black race, black people are very gifted in what we call worship and celebration. A lot of us like to dance, and if you go to black churches, you see people jumping up and down, because they really get into it.”

“White people were blessed with the gift of structure and organization. You guys do a good job of building businesses and things of that nature and you know how to tap into money pretty much better than a lot of people do around the world.”

“Hispanics are gifted in family structure. You can see a Hispanic person and they can put 20 or 30 people in one home. They were gifted in the family structure.”

“you look at the Indians, they have been very gifted in the spirituality.”

Nice.  I’m pretty sure his “keeping it real” attitude and athletic prowess make him one of Us, but that delivery is very Them.

-Brock

Have you seen this?

no, not the fights, they kinda suck.  Florian is a good fighter, but Gomi better bring his A-Game because Florian rips through any lightweight without a belt around his waist.  Then Nelson is just a fatboy who isn’t terribly exciting to watch.  You’ve got to take a look in the bottom right corner.  That is where you find this:

Why didn’t anyone tell me there was a Bojangles Coliseum?  Is it filled with deliciousness?  I have to assume it is.  As a dude that spent some time in the South, let me tell you Bojangles really brings the heat.

I’ll be honest the chicken isn’t as good as Popeye’s.  But the fries have a special seasoning that is killer and they serve sweet tea (one of my personal vices) in three sizes.  Small, Medium, and “Big Bo”.  How do you not love a place with the Big Bo?  I feel like if I love Bojangles, the Bojangles Coliseum must be my Valhalla.

Road Trip?

-Brock

Mike Tyson has been having a resurgence lately.  He was good in the Hangover, the Tyson biopic was good and he’s even starting to slim down on Dancing with the Stars in Italy.

Now see, 5 years ago we would have thought Tyson had just knocked this woman out.  He looks like he is losing weight too.  I do appreciate that he is just wearing a man suit with disco inferno collars as opposed to the more aggressive, “classic” dancing gear.  You know Tyson still likes to get to the ladies though.

Tyson is still a freak too!  I know this is just mid-flip, but I feel like he slapped that ass on the way through.  Here is my concern, for a guy who we know likes to talk about eating children…

Shouldn’t we be looking into his own children?

I mean if he’s into eating kids, this young lady might be a prime candidate.  Her eyes are just screaming “help me!”

I kid, I kid, she’s a cute little girl.

-Brock

Last week I talked about guys who can’t figure out why they aren’t getting a woman.  Andrew on the Real World didn’t realize that in order to have a woman treat you like a man (including have sex with you), you need to act like a man.  But now these guys have taken it to another level.  Check out Douglas Hines.

So that is Douglas and his main lady.  No, she isn’t just a weird looking babe who’s eyes are too close together and couldn’t figure out where the camera is, that is Roxxxy, Douglas’ “invention”…she isn’t just a sex doll, she’s a sex robot.  First of all, the way Douglas is posing with ol girl like they are in a damn Olan Mills family photo is a little bit creepy.  That might just be his girlfriend too.  I have no doubt that Douglas here props ol Roxy up in a chair during dinner and bangs the hell out of that poor robot for dessert.  Behind those glasses is a man who means it when he takes Roxxxy out of that sundress.  Here’s my thing.  He’s already banging a glorified blow up doll, but here are the real reasons he can’t get a woman.  Check out these quotes.

“She doesn’t vacuum or cook, but she does almost everything else,”

Nice job.  A quote from the 60’s.  Still looking for a woman who vacuums, cooks and fucks.  Because by “everything else” you are actually only talking about lying still during sex while you choose which hole to violate.  She’s not earning money, can’t hold a legit conversation, isn’t hitting the grocery store, and I don’t care how many dollops you drop on her, she’s never having any kids.

He goes on to say that she is programmed with 5 personalities and voice recognition but immediately lets the other pervs of the world know,

“Luckily, guys,” he joked, “there’s a button that turns that off.”

Player.  What are you doing?  Using the Archie Bunker hollering technique?  Let’s not talk about the fact that your opportunity to get a real woman after appearing on CNN.com with your tranny looking doll is approximately 0%, but your outdated rhetoric basically let’s people know you haven’t been with a real woman in 30 years.  Check the other pic from his website.

Yeah that is not sexy.  Check the personality types.

• Frigid Farrah – She is reserved and shy
• Wild Wendy – She is outgoing and adventurous
• S&M Susan – She is ready to provide your pain/pleasure fantasies
• Young Yoko – She is oh so young (barely 18) and waiting for you to teach her
• Mature Martha – She is very experienced and would like to teach you!

Young Yoko?  Your doll doesn’t have to be 18 my man.  I have to assume this might violate sexual predator laws in about 38 states.  Is someone making sure Dougie here is staying 500 yards away from schools?

Then some other dude did even more.  This is Delilah aka Nude IV a “sexy robot” made out of typewriter parts.

Yes, the builder here has J’s complete with nips too.

At least we don’t need to worry about Jeremy here having sex with his (I think).  But it is a little obsessive to build typewriter robot thighs.  These guys have gone too far.  It’s sad really.

-Brock

Lake hit me up today because he saw some people standing outside of his new gig when he saw some smokers standing in the cold.  The crazy thing was these people were trying to keep their little addiction a secret, so they were outside with no coats. That’s right, standing outside in the cold with no coat just so you didn’t look like a loser addict smoker who had to put their coat on every 45 minutes to head outside for a little hit.  Or the people who travel into the depths of the parking deck so they can be smoke in “secret”.  Here’s a secret buddy, everyone knows you smoke.  And you might not be able to smell yourself but we can.

I actually feel sorry for smokers.  Now that it has been banned from all indoor spots including clubs, restaurants and everywhere else, there is literally no where else you look cool smoking.  There is a generation of children who are going to wonder why dirty looking people huddle together to stand in a cloud.  Everyone who smokes is going to smoke like they just got their first cigarette, out in the woods somewhere.  It’s really gonna suck.

Here is the original post from Us Versus Them: January 18, 2009.

MAN UP MONDAY: SMOKERS

Baby it is cold outside and almost everyone is catching hell right now.  In the Midwest temperatures were below freezing last week, snow was moving through lots of cities slowing everyone down, and if you didn’t have your coat, hat and glove game tight, you were in for it.  But the winter cold affects one group more than other people.  Smokers.

Sure, when it is summertime that shit seems glamorous.  You can sit at an outdoor cafe sipping cappuccino and wearing your stunna shades and everything is great for the smoker.  But in the winter, everyone knows you aren’t anything but an addict looking for a fix.  The less socially acceptable it becomes, the more desperate you look.

Think about it, the last time smoking was socially cool was in the early 80’s…smoking on airplanes, smoking at the office, smokers ruled the world.  The problem is, the last time smoking actually looked cool was damn near 50 years ago.

Even the smoke looks cool.  Frank has his grip tight, pinky ring blinging, he’s got his whole game together.  Modern smokers might as well be smoking crack at this point.  No smoking in office buildings, they are being banned from all indoor smoking all across the country.  Non-smokers (myself included) just openly antagonize smokers at this point.  Have you ever seen one of those smoking lounges at an airport?  It looks like the fifth ring of hell in there.

The people all look yellow, it is all cloudy in there.  True story, I saw a guy pushing a stroller one time that went to the smokers lounge and stood just inside of the room and kept his arm extended so the stroller stayed outside.  At least he’s thinking about it, but he’s not winning any parent of the year awards for that one.

But winter is my favorite season for smoker watching.  First of all they are huddled in the parking decks and loading docks already.  Or the are forced to stand outside of restaurants…but not right out front, you gotta step down like 10 feet so all the smoke doesn’t blow right back into the building.

Do you huddle up for warmth?  How many breaks do you take a day?  Other than eat food, which is pretty much an essential bodily function, not an elective activity, I can’t think of anything I’d step outside in the freezing cold to do.  Sex would probably get your boy out there, but that is just starting to stretch the metaphor way too far.

I have some questions for smokers:

You know you always smell like shit, right?

Does “your brand” really make a huge difference?

Why do you roll your window down when you smoke and drive?  (See question #1)  Do you hate the smell of smoke too?  Oh, and by the way, it doesn’t help.

How do you always get to my rental car before I do?

Hey Cigar smoker…you know that if there is a smoking section in a restaurant, they aren’t talking about you, right?  That cigar smoke is on a whole different level, we all go home smelling like you.

Fire.  Going into your lungs.  Why?

During the winter, I can’t tell if smokers need to be told to Man Up or Man Down.  I mean these cats outside of my building are going hard right now.  They were in that twenty below like it ain’t shit.  They do need to Man Up and quit smoking though.  You’re just legal drug addicts right now.  I wonder what legalizing marijuana would do?  Would that be socially acceptable to hit during the lunch break?

-Brock

The craziest part of the Grammy’s are not the performances or the people who actually win, that is crazy enough.

That is saying a lot when Pink is out there bringing the buck naked, and Lady Gaga is going Lady Gaga.

When a chick who brings her own lens flare for the picture and she isn’t the craziest thing at the event there is really something going down.  So the craziest thing about the Grammy’s is how insufficiently they actually handle alternate forms of music.  For example check the nominees for best R&B Album:

Best Contemporary R&B Album
WINNER: I Am…Sasha Fierce, Beyoncé
Intuition, Jamie Foxx
The Introduction Of Marcus Cooper, Pleasure P
Ready, Trey Songz
Thr33 Ringz, T-Pain

Beyonce is a given and I understand that people enjoy Jamie Foxx, at least the brother is funny (sometimes) and can act.  Trey Songz can sing, but he spells his name with a “z” at the end, so how seriously can we take him?  Pleasure P and T-Pain?  Come on Grammy voting committee, get it together.  Check out the Rap nominees, they like to ignore anything current and try to keep it old school every year.  Will Smith gets a random nomination every time he drops anything resembling music but check this list.

Best Rap Album
Universal Mind Control, Common
WINNER: Relapse, Eminem
R.O.O.T.S., Flo Rida
The Ecstatic, Mos Def
The Renaissance, Q-Tip

Common gets respect, as does that Mos Def album.  Did anyone actually listen to that Q-Tip album and Flo Rida?  Seriously?  Not even the joint with Elevator on it?  Then Eminem wins for Relapse?  That better be a lifetime achievement award because the Relapse album sucked.  But you clearly don’t know turrible when you see it.

I mean Sir Mixx a Lot got nominated in 1994 for a song called “Just Da Pimpin in Me” off the album that didn’t have Baby Got Back on it.  Meanwhile two members of the Marley family won Grammy’s last night.  Are they still trying to make up for Bob Marley dying too early.  Bob is still working the crowd, he’s even got Dos Beckys.

And some random dude over there violating Rule #1.

I’d like for the Grammy committee to actually listen to the music they are nominating and awarding.  Does anyone know if they are messing up Country music too?  I know Taylor Swift won and I’ma let her finish, but I’m not sure she had the best album of the year.  Although Kanye wasn’t there, we did get a UvT exclusive picture of Kanye when he heard the news.

Yeah, he wasn’t feeling the win by Taylor Swift.

He thought Beyonce should have won.

-Brock

No for real, he’s so cold.

That is hilarious.  He looks up into the sky like “what the hell is going on right now”.  I call this “The Day Swagger Died”.

I don’t know how I missed this the first time but should to MRod for finding it.

-Brock

Toyota finally was where they wanted to be.  The Big 3 have been struggling for years, and Toyota was finally the #1 car manufacturer.

But now they are doing it wrong.  Now I’ve heard of vehicle recalls, but this one pretty much sounds like the worst ever.  Sure, recall a bad transmission that might shut the car off unexpectedly, recall vehicles with bad seat belts that may not completely do their job in case you are in an accident.  But this recall is for the craziest problem ever.  The gas pedal gets stuck when you accelerate?  Oh hail naw.

Meanwhile, Toyota hasn’t really stepped up to fix the problem.  They are sending the new parts to factories to fix the new cars first as opposed to the cars that people actually already bought.  Who came up with that plan?  Let’s try to sell new cars to people who aren’t going to trust them anyway, and burn bridges with the people who actually trusted Toyota and bought their cars.  Balloon Boy’s dad thinks that plan sucks.

Do you know how hard it is not to drive in front of a damn Toyota?  Those things are everywhere.  Got me out here swerving like and asshole trying to make sure I don’t get rear ended.

Toyota, Man Up!  It might be a decade before you get another shot.

-Brock

My open admiration for Dov Charney is well chronicled.  The man is a genius.  Not only has he figured out how to convince people to like his slightly expensive, old school gear.  He’s also doing it with fair wages and American made.  His real genius though?  Is not giving a damn along the way.  As I’ve said before the guy doesn’t just sell sex, he actually sells f*cking.  You know those Microsoft ads where the people in the commercial talk about how they dreamed about the perfect operating system and they claim to have created Windows 7?  Well, I dreamed of the perfect contest and Dov Charney may have implemented it, but I invented it dammit.

American Apparel is having a “Best Bottom” contest.  The Assologist in me is overcome with anticipation.  Which is not only an opportunity to check out a lot of tail, but he’s asking the general public to submit their own butts for the competition.  Brilliant!  Let’s check out the young lady currently in the lead.

This is Jenn, and that isn’t too bad right there.  The tail piece tucks in right and there is enough cheek to let you know she is packing a little heat.  I’m not going to call that ideal tail though.  Let’s see who else took a picture of their arse for the competition.

That looks positively resilient right there.  Not just soft, but with a little underlying resistance to it too.  That is getting there.

Now this looks like the official thickness, but she’s pulling some tricks.  First she is on her tippy-toes trying to pump that thang up.  Second that camera angle is doing all of the work for her.  I feel like she might be a big girl in disguise.  Sure that tail is right, but those thighs are really doing a lot of the work.  Iiiiooooon’t know on that one players.

Now see, this chick decided to go with all gimmick.  She’s currently in 4th place with the tan line, thong combo.  I’m not mad at her though.  You’ve got to pull out all off the stops to get attention.  It looks pretty decent to me.  I’m not mad at her.

You want to know my pick to win this contest.

Good lawd Jesus.  Talk about the double tuck.  Thighs come in thick, but retreat so there is no overlap.  Tail starts to crease up even though she’s clearly leaning forward.  I know the draws are made to bunch up like that but that seam in the middle is just in there straining for respectability.  Then the extra tuck at the top of the booty is the stuck landing.  This chick is packing unadulterated heat.  Hos does this guy get away with this?  I don’t know and don’t care.  Keep up the good work Mr. Charney.  You may be this generations Hugh Hefner.

-Brock

Now I believe that children are the future…but there is still no explanation for this:

Sheed has that, “this is some bullsh*t right here” look on his face.  Even the little girl with the side pony tail can’t believe her eyes.  Someone tricked these cats on this one.

-Brock