Lake ran down a list of bad chicks last week and Beyonce caused a little controversy. Is she tight all the time? Is she one Popeye’s two piece away? We’ve seen her momma, so we know what the future holds as soon as Beyonce stops dancing all the time. She clearly knows what gear works for her and knows her best angles, so you can’t hate on the girl too much. You gotta work what you’ve got. Let’s take a look.

Let’s start with old school, young Beyonce.

This is the slimmed out version, before she was really rocking those thighs. Man this was back when I didn’t even know if Beyonce was the baddest chick in the group. I didn’t want to give her too much credit for being the light skinned chick. I was a Latoya Luckett man myself.

Beyonce must have known something was up too, because she kicked those chicks up out the group and replaced her with Michelle, who looks like someone’s moms if you catch her at the wrong angle. She kicked Farrah out after just a few weeks too. She must have seen thiscoming. Beyonce cemented her status as the “cute one” with that move.

She then went solo and started hitting cats with this:

She knows shes got the thickness covered, and rocking the semi-see through top really killed it. The back arch always adds a few points too.

She even figured out a way to keep it tight from the front. I know the stomach isn’t that tight, but she greased it down and propped up the j’s. Her thighs are always killer so they are a given.

Once she went solo, she really started killing em. Beyonce figured out that she needed to go Tina Turner on em. Here is the money shot.

Man, when you can see the tail piece from the front, you really know you are working with something. Kelly Rowland can pop it from any angle she wants and never achieve these results. She is really giving it you cats with her eyes too. Jay-Z knows what he’s doing. From classy to nasty, I think Beyonce has it down. I just feel bad for her little sister.

It’s gotta suck always being the Ron Harper to Beyonce’s Michael Jordan.

-Brock

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Yung Brock, great blog entry. To me, this kind of hard-hitting reporting is exactly why I got into this business. Yo, I’ve pondered this question many times myself. Not so much in the form of “Is Beyonce’ UvT quality?” (she is), but more like “Is she really thick?” or a just a slimmed down big girl with a dietitian, chef, personal Billy Blanks and Balco (or it’s equivalent) frequent shopper card in her pocket. I’m still not totally sure. It all started with that “Crazy in Love” video with the “ut oh, ut oh, ut oh” rump shaker dance she rocked and the outfit she had with it. In fact, let’s go ahead and rock that now.

(Is it me or are youtube videos getting worse and worse on quality?)

You can see the bend in the back, but then it doesn’t necessarily continue to explode through the tailpiece like you want it to. Make no mistake, a killer body will do both (see Melyssa Ford who has the back hook and the crazy arse). At any rate, I pretty much came to the conclusion that “B” was essentially that hard body chick with the extra layer of thick laid up on top given that she’s a natural big girl who really should, no check that WOULD, be carrying another 35 pounds if she wasn’t in entertainment. That was until I saw that “ass so fat you can see it from the front” (this is probably the ONLY time you’ll ever see my quote Mos Def) picture Brock just posted. To me, that’s irrefutable evidence that there is gold in them hills. I can’t lie. “B” is a dope chick and yes, Solonge is the Roger Clinton to her Bill. It’s bizzaro Kanye cuz they made that girl “Softer, lower, slower, weakeeeeer”. Is it me or does that chick have permanent braces in her grille piece? I don’t know, it’s just the way those lips lay. It aint right.

- Lake