Hey, cats who keep up with the blog know that I just call it like it is on the Reality TV front.  I admit it, I watch too much tv and it’s not right.  With that said, there’s pretty much something for everyone, and by everyone I mean dudes, on this season of Dancing With The Stars.  First off, let’s start with the obvious:

-Kim Kardashian

Sure, the arse shots we’ve come to know and love slim to none, but this show if nothing else reaffirms two things about Kim:

1.  That she is truly bad.  And by bad, I mean damn good looking.

2.  That being good looking alone, with an advanced ass and uncommonly, dare I say, unreal breast plate, isn’t really good enough.

Damn, I guess we won’t get to see the full on danced out aerobicized Kim booty.  She’ll be lucky if she makes it past week two!

Hey, this last one is no shocker.  If you saw that sex tape, and I know you did, you knew that Kim could not ahem, work what Dr. 90210 errrr her mama gave her.  Though she was working other things.  At any rate, as a man, and I’m pretty sure I speak for ALL DUDES, I’ll still take what I can get!  Sure Kim can’t dance or cut a lick, but I don’t need her to.

All I need her to do is rock a new hairstyle, drap those J’s in some different color sequins and then bring that ass.

Something she is more than capable of.

-  Toni Braxton

Toni represents everything that’s good with this show.  Just a babe who comes on and wants to be dead up naked.

Damn, this chick don’t miss a day in that gym, either.  Wow.  Now, I did have to take a few points away for that extra aggressive outty belly button (not all outties, just hers) but Toni has held up really well over the years and makes for very decent eye candy.  Still, let’s not try to sell it too much:

Please Toni, don’t hurt ‘em.

- Brooke Burke

Sure she’s washed up and milf’d the fuck out, but she does look good in some essentially naked gear.

And while those Js are clearly sittin’ high on silicone dubb-dom, you can’t hate on her overall great looks.

Or can you?

- Lance Bass

Dude, I can’t tell if Lance Bass is great for this show, just fucking terrible or great for this show because he’s so fucking terrible.

First of all, they’ve taken every chance they could to focus on the fact that he’s, as my cousin would say, “a gay.”  I mean, they had him dancing to that “I Kissed A Girl and I didn’t likededed it,” which was as disturbing as it was turrible.  Then they just keep going back to the “my dance partner thinks I’m sexy” card, which is a hilarious joke.

OK, enough with the “I want to sex up this forbidden man” routine, ok?

It’s bad enough that his gayness is the only other thing you can talk about since this cat “left” Nsync.  But you don’t have to rub his bitchassness all up in our faces.

-  Previously hot Cheryl Burke

And I’m all for promoting positive body images with my women, I really am, but come on.

You can’t rock that double wide on the dance floor.  Not when everybody has seen you come like this:

And this:

Dammit.  That hook don’t lie.  Anyway, Cheryl, I know you’re aware, but perhaps you forgot:

YOU’RE A DANCER.  YOU WORK OUT ERRYDAY BECAUSE OF YOUR PROFESSION and you’re in SHOWBIZ.  Either quit with the Bristol Palin antics or tighten that shit up!  A chubby professional ballroom dancer, makes perfect sense.  Come on now, cats are lookin for that tight version.

Not that tight version.

Eh, arguably over err on the edge.

Oh and ladies, don’t think I forgot about you. They got some man candy on this show too.

-Warren Sapp (ha)

Dude, honestly, watching Warren reveals two things to me (again):

1.  That this cat has definitely taken ballroom before, something I find fairly disturbing

2.  Warren is just trying to hit

Haaaaaa, I mean, why else be on this show?  And yes, his wife is always right there in the audience, looking like Usher’s wife with that full on hate face.

She knows what’s up.

Dude does move well for a big cat.

So there you have it.  Something for everyone.  Bottom line, the show has bucked naked chicks getting fitter, harder, faster, strongerrrrrrrrrrr and I like it.

Seriously, the gotta keep Kim around long enough to see if the ass is just pure gel.  Gel encased in a layer of haagen-dazs or really some ole muscle butt stallion shit with a layer of nature’s best for good measure.

I still say it’s legit.  Hey, maybe it’s just wishful thinking…but the shit looks real to me.

- Lake