You see the title; you know who the author is okay? I’m fed up hot dammit. Who in the world started telling fat biches they were sexy?
Now don’t get me wrong, when I say fat, I’m not talking about voluptuous or even a bit rotund. Truth is, I like a little thickness in a woman:
Can you say “The Lord is my sheppard I shall not want?” WOW!
In fact, I would say I actually prefer the full-bodied woman, to the thin, petite model types:
Like here, I think they got that shi_ backwards. I’ll take the chick in the “before” picture all day everyday. And the “after,” what is that? After you send a perfectly good-looking chick to Africa and starve her for three months?
I can even deal with the chick commonly described as “one biscuit away” from being fat:
And I know what you thinking, “Rex that’s some body’s mama; you ought to be ashamed of yourself.” You’re probably right, but I’m telling you right now this babe has that T&A that I like. And that pool she’s sitting in looks like the Fountain of Youth to me. Either way, if I get about a 5th of Jack D in me, I’ll roll up in the spot, turn down the pictures of the family on the nightstand and blaze that right on up.
But, I’ve got my limits and we just can’t let things get out of hand here. It’s stuff like this that just has me all bent out of shape:
Come on baby doll. Are you serious? Is she actually cocking her head to the side intentionally in an attempt to add that extra sex appeal? Wow! Too many episodes of America’s Next Top Model. This chick is so big she outta come with a license plate. While I don’t think this is what R. Kelly meant when he wrote the song . . . this broad Reminds Me of My Jeep:
And ut oh, what do we have here:
This ain’t right man. I’ll never be the same after viewing this. Somehow, I just don’t think that’s what Dr. King had in mind when he said he had a dream someday that little white girls and little black girls would play together. Plus, all that fat on top of meat on top of flab reminds me of something I used to hate as a child:
CHITLINS! Or for the YT folks, chiterlings. Either way, fatty and nasty.
Ok, I’m sorry I know everybody out there thinks I’m being insensitive, but I feel like these big chicks just don’t even want to acknowledge the problem. They act like something’s wrong with US, not THEM. (lol)
For example, when I was young I used to always like to go to car shows. It wasn’t that I liked cars so much, but what I did like were the girls sitting on the hood of the cars at the shows. There’s something inherently sexy about that:
But a big chick can f’up anything. Like this chick came up to me last week and she was like “what’s poppin Rex? Why don’t you ever give me a ride in your new car? Don’t you like me?
Dayuumm “chick” what you think Geico gone cover that? I mean you alright with me, but you ain’t just gone be f’ing up my shocks, struts and front-end alignment like that. When they sold me this car, they said it had 200 horse power UNDER the hood, not on top of it.
I know what you’re thinking: Where you going from here Rex because you cannot possibly have a picture of a chick worse than this last beauty. Well in the absolute sense you’re right! But, in the relative sense, nothing’s worse than having a fine female friend that tries to hook you up with one of her friends that’s also supposed to be fine. Like baby girl below who you might have met while she was dating a close friend so the two of you kept your relationship platonic:
Then, one day, she tells you about this friend she has who she wants to hook you up with. The friend, supposedly looks just as good as she does.
So, of course, you make the perfect plans: you plan to pick her up (on time), have dinner at one of NY’s finest restaurants then a late night carriage ride through the Central Park. So you get to the door the night of and you hear a pleasant voice say “come in.” So you open the door and BAM:
Sweet Jesus. My friend told me this girl was “grounded” and “down to earth,” but this is not what I had in mind. She also told me this girl “had a good head on her shoulders;” I didn’t know she meant she didn’t have a neck! Wow. Of course, I had to change the play at the line and call an audible on those plans I made.
I ended up meeting Lake at the strip club.
Well this is the part of the post where I let you know, good old Rex is not picking on fat chicks just for shits and giggles. I’m not an a-hole or anything, I’m just trying to get a point across and it’s necessary because you got people out there like Monique just misleading these big women into thinking it’s cool to weigh 300 pounds and wear a sundress.
You remember this performance from the BET Awards a few years ago right? Now I don’t want to hate on Monique because she was doing a pretty good Beyonce impression for a big girl; but you can’t give a heffa to much credit or else this happens:
Terrible dude. Never has the phrase “go the fu*k back to Africa,” had deeper meaning. Monique I know you mean well, but this type foolishness does nothing but set big girls back. These women don’t need to be wearing body paint, they need to be wearing these:
And they don’t need to be posing on stages, they need to be sitting on these:
At the end of the day, it’s the health aspects that are really important, not just the physical ones. I’m told there are 300,000 obesity related deaths annually. You can’t tell me some this isn’t avoidable.
It takes support to love yourself when you’re overweight and that’s what people like Monique provide. But if the goal is to improve the situation for these women, it takes more inspiration than support and hopefully your boy Rex has provided some of that (along with a few laughs as well). Peace,
- Sexy Rexy
—————UPDATE——————
The wildest thing about this post is I think there is an exposed nipple up there and somehow it is still SFW as far as I can tell. I guess the second wildest thing is that I can’t actually tell if there is a nipple exposed up there.
Rex trying to hit that stride.
-Brock
It was a slow start, Rex, but the Monique finish was top notch. You’ll have me rolling like Lake and Brock in no time.
I gotta say, though. Sometimes the “I know a friend that you would like” is a test to see if you’re not a macho, misogynist, panty thief who does not return balls after hittin. Pass test, and you may get a chance to fail it with the girl you really wanted.
I’m gonna disagree with Maurice on one note. You may show you’re not a dog. And you might get a chance with the original target. But no girl I know of would ever, ever, with premeditation, hook you up with another woman as a test of your character, with the intention of snagging you up for themselves later. I just can’t imagine it happening like that.
Rexxx, I hate to do this cuz you cool peeps and all but you are W-R-O-N-G, so wrong about all of this. And at the risk of sounding militant about it, I’ma explain it to ya:
The first dude to tell this Bich how she “should” look is gonna be the last. As my very paid girl Mo’nique would say, “I don’t play dat.” You see, I get it, no matter what. I’m not waiting for none of y’all to tell me what looks good…I’m setting the standards out here. Back in the day, I seem to recall no arse, no tittay broads were the bomb and then Sir Mix-A-Lot changed my life: I ain’t been lonely since.
As soon as this playing field gets leveled and the double standards that exist in the male / female relationship are extinguished, then you can come holla at me about a chick’s booty size. But until that happens, I don’t wanna hear no static at my bonus girls who are working with a little extra.
Ironically, you dudes will also be quick to complain when we ladies apply a similar standard regarding your overall net worth. I ask is it really that different? It’s basically demonstrating a shallowness towards others that shouldn’t be tolerated, period. I’m willing to look the other way if you are.
I know plenty of women who use the extra layer of fat as a type of insulation from the trifling type fellas who are only after the cooch, rather than appreciating some of her other qualities. Don’t be surprised when my homegirl that you passed on suddenly gets well and brings her body game tight when my other dude lays some game down. Then it will be, “Hi haters.” True.
To all my ladies out there, I say, “Do you”. For every one dude that wants to say something off key, there are three others who won’t. Just do what this Bich do and say, “Next!”
Rex, you still my dude though.
I hate to say it, BUT, there are a bunch of dudes out there that want that XXL lovin. They really do. I mean, they seek it out. Have you ever seen a black dude with the snack pack white chick? That’s the XXL thug love. Hey, to each their own. I likes mine on thinner side.
Ha. Bichon I feel like you skipped the whole first 1/3 of the post describing the women I like. I don’t think I see any stick figures there. Lol.
As for the money piece with dudes, yeah I think a girl who is after only rich dudes are low. I think any dude who comes at a girl ONLY for looks is low. But I can’t blame a girl for desring a man who has potential and drive and similarly I can’t blame a man for wanting a female he’s physically attracted to. Or a woman for doing the same. So realize, and i think the post makes clear, that the aim is on the extreme seceanrios and to me whenever a person has an issue, Rex comes truth, not do you’s. I would want the same.
i like em thick to a certain extent but like super big is too much like i need some meat on my bones too im not a small dude by any means but like when she can out eat u at dinner get the fuck outta here
Yo Brock. I just now saw that wild nipple too. I agree, pretty crazy and for whatever reason, it can stay.. Jeez. As for the debate, Bichon, I don’t think you’re too in tune with the new day lady out here. SHE DOES WANT A DUDE SITTIN ON STACKS WITH NOTHING LOWER THAN A ‘LAC. That’s the game. Chicks are all about the money, dudes about the honey, homey. Also, I hate to say it, but Mo’nique is terrible. Ha.. I mean, I do get that she’s gotta represent against the silly body image of the super skinny babe, but she takes it too far. All that “gurl, my big ass loves dick too much” is just off key. I mean, I get it, you’re heavy and you like to get down, but all that exta facial expression and one trick pony talk about “I hate these skinny bitches” is terrible.
And we all know the babe who was big, ala Beyonce back in the day, then who slims it down. What happens, does she act all righteous and humble because she knew what it was like to be unfairly judged based on her size? Hells no!!! She goes right into treating heavy chicks like second class citizens, cracks a couple fat jokes and then clowns a dude because he’s rolling in that 330 BMW instead of the 530. I mean, in this world, there is no fairness, it’s all UvT. So if my mayne mang Rex wants to call it out, I say, do it. Because if his pockets were skinny, chicks, big and small, would definitely be giving that “nilla pleez award” as opposed to that “hey, you gotta lotta cheese award” he’s getting right now. It’s a cold hard world B Dubbs, just calling it straight. Late.
Um, the lady under the “one biscuit away” sentence…what is her name?
I find her physique extremely appealing and her face stunning.
ok now you know i love yall i do but as a thick chick i gotta take offense to this whole post because im still fly and sexy and all that never been lonely so ease up on the big girls