Lake said last week when Jermaine Dupri revealed his ridiculous pits to the world that he didn’t advocate manscaping, but apparently the manscaping is more popular than we thought.  Look, I trim the hedges every once in a while, I don’t want anyone getting anything caught in their teeth getting scared of the jungle, but apparently cats like to come early puberty style and Gillette is there for you.  Let’s start with the benign and go to the ridiculous.

PITS

Standard issue I guess, but can you really go Michael Phelps on em?  I’m not advocating Buckwheat in a headlock style (old joke?  What is the modern version?  Ben Wallace in a headlock?  Carrot Top in an anaconda choke?)

NIPS

Is it just me, or did they just make the nips look like chest eyeballs?  Why?

DACK

First of all, I’m not using anything that has the top attributes of “multiple blades” and “power” anywhere near my dack.  Second of all, the tree is already quite tall, thank you very much.  Third, are cats really rocking the 11 year old out there in these streets?  The silky smooth?  I’m not a dack connoisseur.  In fact I’m proud to say that through avoidance of locker rooms and drunk white boys, I haven’t seen a dack other than my own in over a decade. (High School locker rooms FML) Let me tell you, if you are coming with shave gels, close shaves and moisturizers…you ain’t right.  have a beer on your boy Brock, get yourself a man outfit, and Man the F Up.  Get yourself a 2 guard and some clippers and call it a day.  Stop now.

Gillette…uhhhh, really?  This advice sucks.  Every video is like “use short strokes and rinse often”.  That is the same as my advice for banging chicks you don’t know.

Stuck landing, I’m out.

-Brock