Damn. It hasn’t been a good few weeks to be alive. People have been tapping out left and right. I don’t know when things changed, but no one mourns the dead anymore, it is like talking about people as soon as they are out of the room. Once someone dies, the media basically says, “now that they are gone, let us tell you how terrible they were.” Farrah Fawcett was cool, but they had to mention how her son had to be let out of jail to some see her. She probably only got off because MJ died a few hours later. They can always find something to talk about, but you don’t have to give them all the goods out front.
Last week, if you said “Steve McNair” you would hear Titans and Ravens QB and all around great guy. This week, you can barely mourn the fact that the guy is gone because of his crazy ass girlfriend.
Let’s break this down.
1. Girlfriend. Steve was married. Steve was rolling with Sahel, the 21 year old chick.
2. Steve got murdered in his condo that he shared with his roommate. Once again. Steve was married. What the hell is he doing with a condo and a roommate? Maybe during the season I could hear having a spot near the practice facility to make it easy to get to and from work…but it is the off-season. The grown married man doesn’t need that separate crib. That ain’t nothing but trouble right there.
3. He was riding with her in the Escalade he bought her when she was pulled over by the cops. What did the cops do? Send him home in a taxi.
4. That chick bought a gun TWO DAYS before she shot McNair with it. Aren’t there laws about that? I thought there was a five day waiting period. A background check, something. Damn.
Oh, and by the way, if you are going to run with the side chick. You might not want to run with the wifey activities.
Paragliding homey? Couples paragliding? Come on player! You were really selling her the dream. Didn’t you learn this one in College? You can’t hit a young girl with that kind of game. You know she will fall straight in love! Good lord.
I mean this didn’t look like an afternoon out. This was official vacation style right here. Look, I don’t advocate the side piece. If you have kids and a wife you need to man on up and either keep it tight, or just go ahead and Man Up and break it off. But if you are going to have the side piece. You need to keep to side piece activities. Booty calls. Dinners at terrible spots. Wild ass off time movies. Having jacked up quick ass phone conversations. That is it. Strictly jump off material. Buying cars and vacations? Nah.
Then, the way this all went down, Steve had to know that this was a crazy girl. When I heard murder-suicide, I assumed that this was keeping it real gone wrong. Meanwhile this crazy babe shot my man while he was sleeping. No argument, no crime of passion, no explanation, no opportunity to talk it out. Straight peace out homey. Then…THEN…this crazy chick tried to position herself to that she could fall into his lap when she shot herself.
WTF? That is old school crazy right there.
Now see, that is why I don’t try to do crazy ass stuff. I don’t want to go out doing something that shades the rest of my life. If I end up at a strip club, I’m the first dude to hit the door if something looks like it is about to start looking like it is about to go down. I mean some drunk dude starts throwing a strippers high heel? Your boy Brock is hitting the door? Someone makes it rain…lapdance over, I’m out! Out of Bud Light? Cats are about to get rowdy. Your boys night is over. Why? Because I don’t want my momma to have to try to figure out why her son got shot outside of the skrip club. I don’t even go to the skrip that much. But all of a sudden I’m that dude who goes to terrible ass strip clubs where people get shot. I’m just that dude forever. They are talking about it at the wake. As a black man, I go through the Popeye’s drive through…don’t want to die there either. If I ever have the misfortune of dropping a watermelon in a parking lot on my way out of a supermarket. It is just going to have to stay on the ground. I’m not going to be that brother chasing a rolling watermelon through a parking lot, and I’ll be damned if I get hit by a car doing it.
True story. I was frying chicken outside one time and it started to rain. I literally had a moment where I thought that this might actually be the worst way to go out of all. I could see it.
I didn’t know if it was going to be fire or electrocution, but I knew I didn’t want to die because I didn’t have the sense to stop cooking my dinner in the rain.
For the record…yes I kept cooking…and yes it was great. I love fried chicken, not because I’m black, but because it is delicious.
How are you going to go out? How do you want to be remembered? David Carradine had a long acting career, but the final footnote of his life is going to be him standing in that closet choking himself with a rope around his dack. Yeah, before you try some crazy shit like that, think about how your boy Brock told you to think about your legacy. Think twice.
-Brock
“If I ever have the misfortune of dropping a watermelon in a parking lot on my way out of a supermarket. It is just going to have to stay on the ground. I’m not going to be that brother chasing a rolling watermelon through a parking lot, and I’ll be damned if I get hit by a car doing it.”
HA! This was one funny posting!
Damn, the end of this post got me laughing so damn hard. I know exactly what you mean too. I stay away from shady places for the same reason. for the most part I live a very respectable life and no way do I want my last event in life connected to something terrible.
Really great post and writing, good comedy.
I concur.
LMFAO!!! That was funny as hell! NEVER fall in love with the side piece! It’s like (using your analogy) liking the fried okra more than the chicken dinna!!
Lesson to all the “playas” out there! Didn’t we all learn anything from the movie Fatal Attraction? Chicks can be straight CRAZY AND DERRANGED!!
Just wanna drop in to say that married dudes who creep and those side hoes get the finger from me.
I don’t know this from personal experience, just personal observation, but these young chicks who hook up with older married men are sooooo delusional about the relationship. He’s gonna leave his wife for you? RIIIIIGHT. If he does, don’t think for one second he ain’t gonna be getting another jump off cuz “your” man likes variety. Rule of thumb: once a cheater, always a cheater.
Side Ho, I know you think your stuff is so good he can’t live without it. Meanwhile, you’re the last priority cuz a creeper gotta put up the front and pretend like he’s putting his family first. Know your role. You are his nut depository…THAT’S IT!! My daddy taught me all about these kinds of dudes so I’ve just always steered clear of those situations.
Creeper Dude, you disgust me. Lying all up in your wife’s face. Filling your Side Ho’s head with all kinda BS. Effin around with everybody’s emotions. You need to come correct and get your life right.
This crazy ass jump off Sahel? No sympathy. You should know the deal when you get yourself involved with a married man. Save yourself the heartache and keep it moving. Why did this chick put all of her furniture up for sale on Craigslist right before she capped herself? Pretty sure she wasn’t gonna be needing the cash where she was going.
Why would Steve hook up with a waitress from a restaurant he frequented with his family? Really? The chick who brings you the mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers is the best a former NFL’er can do? And her boss described her as “90% reliable”. I’ve been a waitress…it’s not that difficult. If she couldn’t keep her food server career game tight, I’m not surprised her personal life was a disaster.
I liked Steve so this is really disappointing to learn about his secret life. I feel really bad for his family though. It’s so sad and they have my condolences.
/end of rant
One other thing…
The gun she bought was from a private party. Tennessee does not require licenses or permits for handguns.
My state is an “open carry” state which means I can walk around with my Glock or other handgun visibly displayed at all times. Freaks people out.
Epic post.
And, by the way, there’s no way in hell you boy Slick is getting hit by a bus. Never. That’s the worst way to go out. Period. It’s not like you didn’t see it coming. Plus, there’s no way to pretend like whoever went out was anything but an idiot.
-”how’d your brother die?”
-”he got hit by a bus.”
-[conversation over]
There’s just no way to say anything nice after that.
ROTFLMAO…bro’, we need more public service announcements like this. I’d keep mo’ bruvas out the drama…
I usta wonder why I always gripped that ‘melon so tight coming out the stow…now I know. I can’t go out like that. Thanks
Hi-larry-us
This is why polygamy needs to be legalized. Men need to spread their seed, women want men to commit, even if they all the want them to commit is cash. This is called having your cake and eating it too (*69 style). She bought the gun from a friend…doubt that the government was any way involved in the transaction. Something really pathetic about an old guy like McNair who can’t get beyond his glory days and some 20 year old girl too afraid to make it on her own and so desparate to bag an obvious walking STD like McNair. His sons lose in this one. How much you wanna bet those are gonna be some fucked up little dudes?
Laughing my butt off…yal some fools…
nah but seriously a life changing post…
i’m still mad at the dude in the closet playing with his thang…
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