I don’t know when it happened. Back in the “Lachey” days, Jessica Simpson sure seemed bad as hell.
The girl was on the top of the world. She was on the #1 show on MTV, people were listening to her music, she was getting movie roles, she was making that good TV money, it was all good. My man H. Larry said she might have been the best looking chick he ever saw in real life. I debated how that could possibly be true, but he insisted so I left it alone. Lately, Jessica has hit a rough patch. Her movies are going straight to DVD like Master P “I Got the Hook Up”, people are calling her fat, she is known for jinxing Tony Romo, things ain’t right. This weekend, she decided to let people know what she was working with for the Fourth of July.
Jessica’s face doesn’t look happy, but there are some parts of her that are looking for attention. And they are getting attention too, peep my man.
He needs to get his sneak a peek game down. Sheeeeeeeit, I could write a whole post on that alone. I know he is standing at attention so he doesn’t have many options. He can’t go to the “look the other way and let her walk into the line of vision”, or the “pretend like you are wiping your eyes and look on through to dat ass”…so he should have gone with the “fake sneeze and take a peek”. He looks like he hasn’t gotten much shore time with the ladies. Let’s take a closer look.
EYES TO THE FRONT APPLEWHITE! YOU THINK THIS IS SOME KIND OF A GAME SON?!?!?! LOOKING AT LADY PARTS WHILE YOU ARE IN YOUR DRESS WHITES WILL GET YOU A WEEKS WORTH OF CLEANING LATRINES AND SHINING BOOTS! Maaaaaan. It looks like all his dreams are coming true right there. He’s gonna enjoy the back of that dress too. Unfortunately, Jessica’s tail game is not going to hold it down.
Man, that is official Mom tail status right there. But you can’t have everything. Her J game is vicious, so the tail can’t be perfect. She upgraded from Nick Lachey to Tony Romo so she’s doing something right. Unfortunately around here, we’re not J dudes. We’ve still got to call em like we see em…
-Brock
You really have to cut my dude some slack as far as the peep-game goes. For all we know that photog timed it just right to catch a peep that might have been mere milliseconds long. Besides, there’s some shit that’s worth getting caught doing, feel me?
She can fail tail all day man. Hell she might not ever have a juicy single much less the double, but she could get it, over and over and over and well you get the pernt.
Jess is one of the best looking broads out there, from the front at least.
“Unfortunately around here, we’re not J dudes.”
Oh man, that’s a classic right there. Amen
J.S. got what i call that ‘front/back’ booty – where the ass looks exactly like the stomach…
Kinda like matching luggage.
HAHAHA… don’t worry applewhite you can see Col. B cutting his eyes too.
We call that “‘front/back’ booty” – Booty-do…as in “her stomach sticks out farther than her booty do” LOL. My brother saw Jessica in person at a Lions game right around the time she was being blamed for Romo’s lack luster performance. He said she was the finest white girl he’s ever seen in person. I did have to gasp (in a good way) at the front shot. Backshot is not XXL worthy though!
Too good. Applewhite you the man!!!
Look.. regardless, can you not say if you were front and center you wouldnt be “standing at attention” too?? Cut the dude some slack, we’ve all hit game we’re not necessarily proud of!
Applewhite’s literally on cloud 9. the dude is actually floating if you look at the bottom of the pic. haaa.
i would like to thank Ian Summers for sideing with me on this one. its true i am the guy who is in the picture that everyones been talking about my whole school knows and everyone has been telling me to comment on here. yall might not belive that its really me but i will certify as a Keydet that its me. for the Record i wasnt looking as Jessicas assets. i was looking at her. and to be honest i havent had one person say that they wouldnt have looked. i have to give props to the photog. good shot man you caught me. and if anybody is offended by this picture i sincerly apologize. i know that i was representing the institute and i “cut” my eyes. my mistake. and this is something im going to have to live with. and to Brock Hardon…i dont have any problems with my sneek a peek skills. i have a wonderful soon to be Fiancé who got a good laugh from this, and thanks for not bashing me too hard.
-Applewhite
this is hillarious. Applewhite…stop apologizing. you did the corps a great honor by “cutting” your eyes. In fact, i’d buy you a drink and shake your hand. In my 4 years there i didn’t ever get to see a celeb, especially a hot one. You gotta have your fun when you can. Rah VA Mil