Last week there was a mini witch hunt when some coach in the SEC had the balls and audacity to declare that defending champ Tim Tebow was not the #1 QB in the SEC and the country.

The kid picked up the Heisman in 2007 (and will probably get another one this year if the Gators hold it together this year), everyone calls him the greatest guy ever, he is a complete bad ass on the field, and came back after winning that ring to spend another year in college before going to cash those checks.  So what kind of asshole has it out for Florida or is so damn crazy that he doesn’t even think that this guy is all SEC?  That’s right, former Florida Gators coach and current Ol Bawl Coach of the South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier.  Steve says he just signed off on a ranking card that one of his assistants brought him.  Oops.

Sure ya did Steve.  I guess you wanted to find one more way to fan the flames of the rivalry that only exists in your mind, give the people of Florida one more reason to hate you, trying to mar the legacy of the golden boy currently leading the swamp you built, right Steve?  I know, I know, you have lots of respect for the voting and the sanctity of the voting process, that is the reason you always give Duke that one point and the 25th ranking in your polls until they get their first loss. (Usually happening right around week 1)  Even Coach Cutcliffe doesn’t get that one.

Come on Coach!  Why do you always have to take swipes at the Florida Gators?  You want to make sure they don’t forget you, or are you regretting the fact that you left the lovely ladies of the swamp?

I think leaving that environment would haunt my dreams too.  Damn, those Florida girls bring the heat.  Meanwhile, when the ladies of South Carolina hit you with the local pride, they just give you this.

AHNT.  Now see, that is why I won’t even gas up the whip in the state of South Carolina.  Okay fine, I ain’t gonna lie, SC girls can bring the heat too.

Any chick that will wear a t-shirt with “cocks” on the front of it is all right with me.  So Steve Spurrier Man Up and just tell everyone what you’re thinking.  “I’m a master tactician, I’m playing mental warfare because I can’t recruit the same level of talent that Florida can, I hate them because I never should have left to get chewed up and spit out by the NFL, and I’m just pissed off all the time.”  So just Man Up and say it.

By the way, in researching this story I came up with the craziest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.  Tim Tebow just announced that he is a virgin!

Say What?  I’m sure there are loser freshmen at University of Florida that have found something to love, you’re telling me the KING of Florida, a Heisman winning, Senior, stayed in college because he loved the college life, best college QB in the nation has not experienced the sweet, sweet satisfaction of getting that tail?  Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiit.  I thought “I like the college experience was code for ‘I need to keep hitting these young, sexy ass college girls’”.  You telling me Tebow didn’t hit this?

Seriously, how do you turn those down.  I’m not even a J dude and I’m like damn, I need to see what those right there are talking about.  And he didn’t hit this?

Or this?

Or any of these?

I’m gonna go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is talking about the modern version of “virgin” which means that head, J-Banging, and having sex when you aren’t in love don’t count.  Otherwise, Tim, Man Up and get you some homey.  You don’t want to commit half of your future NFL stacks to some babe because you think she’s got the greatest tail ever.  They’re throwing it at you, pick one and take it for a test drive.

Steve, Tim, MAN UP!

-Brock