Yall know what a Slumpbuster is, right?
slumpbuster
True.. That’s a slumpbuster. But so is THIS:
Seriously…And I’m not joking. This “woman” looks like a cross between Steve Perry and the dude, hair length and all, that flips the dough at my local pizzeria. I mean, where do the Js stop and the stomach begin? Jesus. Anyway, THAT was a Slumpbuster and the dude on the right, Steve Phillips, former MLBer and ESPN analyst, USED that slumpbuster to get his man on.
Quite literally. YES. Dude was hitting that. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe. I mean, even Bill Clinton can’t believe that.
John Edwards doesn’t get it:
Damn, John… Just dammit! But yes, Steve Phillips, married man with four kids, went ahead and hit this.
Haaaaaaaaa, lord. Look, I’ve researched the story and as I post these pics, I can’t believe this. I mean, this is the classic moment from Real World Paris when Adam told that girl that Ace wouldn’t F her with his dack. One of the best all time lines in Real World history by the way.
Anyway, this chick is irredeemably awful!!! How in the hell did she make it out of captivity, much less become an intern at ESPN?! I mean, what’s going to happen when she let’s herself go?
And to make matters worse, this yatch thought she and Steve would be together for real!!! She even went as far as writing a letter TO HIS WIFE on the subject!
Holy smokes!!! I mean, what in the hell is this broad smoking? How could you say this to a married woman about HER MAN?!?!
“And while he’s happy you decided to stay at home, he enjoys being with me because I have more of a passion and drive to really do something with my life”
I mean, I’m speechless (and so is Shaq). Lol
Dear Brooke Hundley aka Crazy Slumbusting Hoe:
You can’t turn an ugly (see ALL your pics), crazy ass slumpbuster (see the aforementioned, historically awful jump offs), that IMs your kids, sends letters to YOUR WIFE (punishable by death), dimes out your birthmarks (in between your legs) and makes allusions to superior microphone checker skills (ok, respek) into a housewife. Hell, this dude already has issues with the housewife he’s GOT! Why would he put you on?
Dude, even 40 pounds ago, you were still awful.
Clearly Steve was banging you for all those freaky deeky thangs he wouldn’t try with another babe. Clearly he was getting his slumpbust on. But you took it too far. You started talking to his kids, hollering at his wife and fam, following them in their cars… I say:
Send that trick, her mic checks and back door entrance (you know it’s true)…..
TO THE LIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Filthy yatch.. Oh and Steve is low too.
ha
- Lake
——————————UPDATE——————————–
Look, you know I don’t endorse pimpin hoes…and when I do, I prefer Dos Beckys. BUT this has got to be the worst thing ever. I mean cheating on your wife is horrible. Getting caught cheating on your wife is a debacle. Getting caught cheating on your wife and it being national news is a f’n nightmare. But getting caught cheating on your wife, in the national news, with a crazy ass chick who is writing formal letters to your wife and children, and she is a turrible, turrible 22 year-old? That is like the seventh ring of hell. You are just a complete asshole at that point. I don’t know what Steve’s wife looks like, or what she does for a living, but she’s gotta be looking at him like “seriously, that bitch?”. At least if a girl is pretty, or rich, or smart, a pro, it will tap into some insecurity or some area of lacking where a woman will be mad at you, but also a little mad at herself. I can’t imagine it being worse than that chick. She’s really, really, and I mean really, gotta be giving it up. Every which-a-way. Lawd.
Oh and side note…Ladies… If you are a side chick. Why do you expect a man who is cheating ON HIS WIFE, with you to turn around and leave her, wife you, and be faithful? Why? If you think this is a reasonable conclusion find the closest mirror, take a good hard look at yourself, take a big, deep, breath, and scream AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHNNNNNT at yourself at the top of your lungs.
Thanks,
Brock
gawd..she is such a dog..i am sorry but there is no way any sane man would hit that man-girl looking thing.
Even if he wasn’t a player, Philips should make an formal apologize to professional athletes everywhere for bringing down the fuck quotient for the entire fraternity in the pro sports industry.
That chick is not the slumpbuster, she’s the slump. She’s a real zero’s zero (i.e. someone so ugly even other zeros aren’t down to smash).
Steve…..what happened….?
@Lake great post but I have to take issue with you not spending enough time giving Steve Phillips the high heat. Steve forgot who he was and that as a “sports celeb” could aim higher. Yes this woman is lo and crazy (leave his kids out of this..wtf) and 22; he should have anticipated this a bit better and watched what he promised her in the heat of the moment. However crazy she, he may have asked for it this ain’t his first time around the block. He like Don Draper let this one get to close to home and it’s gonna get ugly.
@Brock your progression into the 7th ring was hilarious. I gotta say you really stuck the landing and went Psych 101 on that “At least if a girl is pretty, or rich, or smart, a pro, it will tap into some insecurity or some area of lacking where a woman will be mad at you, but also a little mad at herself.”
@Ian I knew that the binary had room for adjectives i.e zero’s zero and negative zero : )
p.s. that slumpbuster definition is sexist…
I can’t even front, back in my hoe days, i hit worse. On dat note, i’m gonna go take a shower.
@ Rosy
Yeah, there’s always room for adjectives, but someone’s a 0 or a 1 (no -1’s). Also a “negative zero” is exactly the same value mathematically as a zero….jussayin’
LOL @ datdude
Great post as usual Lake. I think everyone has been on point with their comments. I will say there may be a bit of a wrinkle in the marital slumpbusting definition that must be expanded a bit. My question is, how does your wife’s appearance factor into the definition? U gave a great case with John Edwards. My heart goes out to Elizabeth Edwards. I wouldn’t wish terminal cancer on anyone but she is TURRIBLE!! She had potential back in the day when they first met,
http://mhpbooks.com/mobylives/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/edwards.jpg
but in recent history??
http://a.abcnews.com/images/Politics/abc_ann_elizabeth_edwards_080915_mn.jpg
Ole girl just didn’t age well at all! I don’t care if you’re lookin at pre-chemo or post-chemo Elizabeth, I can’t turn her the right way to make her look good. He should have invested HEAVILY in Oil of O’lay, looked at Elizabeth’s mama more closely, or gone to Hampton U to find a wife cuz this is an annulment worthy bait and switch if you ask me. John’s jump off was a lot better lookin than Elizabeth and if she was pullin out all the stops in the bedroom, as home wreckers usually do, that’s just icing on the cake.
I agree with Brock, cheating on your wife is the absolute worst…there’s no suitable excuse for that, but if the slumpbuster is more attractive than your wife, is she truly a slump buster by definition or are u just living in the slums??
@Lake & Brock: Probably one of the best/ funniest posts I’ve ever read on this joint! lol you broke this shit down to the very essence – im talking hadron colliding atom smashing, black hole creating essence! let this forever be the LOWEST point of slumbusting humanly possible – at least on the pro-sports level. Sweet Lahd above, WHY? Why?? I cannot get past the ‘WHY’! Lake, I can only imagine how you had to hold back your BILE while the interns submitted pic after pic (after pic!) of this ABSOLUTE SHE-BEAST of a woman!! i myself almost lost my lunch. and dammit, I had a great lunch today!
@commentaries: HA!!!
@datdude: really dawg? really?
lol
“check the phone records,” “inner thigh mole,” and “I know what each of your four kids are doing this weekend…”
when will jumpoffs learn to PYP (Play your part)? geez
TO THE LIONS INDEED!!!! Dirty yatch!!! Yooooooooooooooo Lake and Brock, this shit is a masterpiece. Archive this joint. LOOOOOL.. I cannot believe dude ruined his entire life and rep over this beast. Agreed, where do the lies, tits, stomach and under waist fat end and where does the truth begin!!!!!!!!!!!? Fuck. I’m sick just reading this….. And did yall hear that 911 call his wife had to place because she was scared of this ho? Lord.
I am no longer down with OPP. Not like this.
P.S. I just realized the potential brilliance of the spoken phrase “filthy yatch” as a parting shot (said aloud with a semi-disgusted, dismissive tone, it just sounds and feels right). I have tucked this gem away in my back pocket, to be slipped into my rhetoric at an appropriate time. It is like a stuck landing waiting to happen. Thanks for that, sincerely.