I was watching the Real World DC (I know, I know) and saw the saddest case of being one of Them ever.  It was so sad I felt like I had so start a foundation, raise money, shine a light on the important issue, start a text messaging campaign, something.  It was horrible.  I was looking at the cartoon drawing, panda hat wearing, jokester of the bunch, Andrew, and saw the poor kid struggling and wrestling with what was clearly the biggest issue in his life.

He can’t get any.  Not one part of the tail.  Nada, nothing, no chance, no shot, he’s navigating deep waters that he’s never been in before.

It is sad and painful to watch.  This is honestly the worst case I’ve ever seen for a reasonable looking kid.  But even if it isn’t this bad, there are “even a broken clock is right twice a day” versions of this kid in every crew.  They might not lose every time, but they have the innate ability to single-handedly throw their own momentum into a full on stall out at any moment.

It is easiest to start with Andrew though.  First of all, if you call having sex “getting laid” you are already behind the ball.  I personally prefer “fucking” but even the use of that is situational.  I can think it, but I know when and where to whip that little term out.  If you are looking into a girls eyes and you see limpid little pools of love “let’s fuck” ain’t gonna get it done.  You’ve gotta know when to back it down, but “I need to get laid” is never appropriate.

Second, I know women say “ I like a guy who can make me laugh”, but that doesn’t mean they are looking for a clown.

Come on dude, if you are so worried about your sex life, the first thing you need to do is lose the hat.  Look, women want a man who is a man. I hear you wanting to be funny and zany and memorable, but you are doing it wrong.

Women want a man who can be a man.  Someone who doesn’t embarrass themselves in front of their friends.  Someone who can stand up and Man Up and be someone they can be proud of.  You can’t act like a child and expect to be treated like a man.  I know dudes who get that door open and start off on the right foot, then put a little too much shake and shimmy on it in the club and completely fall apart.  It is hard to watch.  It is like everyone in the room can see it but them.  Sometimes you can literally see the moment when everything is lost.  That happened to Andrew too.  I think it was this moment.

I mean damn homey.  When you turn into the neighborhood little brother and get made up that is the official moment that every woman in that house decided she didn’t want to have sex with you.  Step your game up homey.  You’re killing yourself.  These ladies can smell the desperation on you.  Get your self together so you can pull down a respectable chick before the season ends…

Or you could hit up J Woww from Jersey Shore, she looks like she’s ready to go at all times.

-Brock