Lake hit me up today because he saw some people standing outside of his new gig when he saw some smokers standing in the cold.  The crazy thing was these people were trying to keep their little addiction a secret, so they were outside with no coats. That’s right, standing outside in the cold with no coat just so you didn’t look like a loser addict smoker who had to put their coat on every 45 minutes to head outside for a little hit.  Or the people who travel into the depths of the parking deck so they can be smoke in “secret”.  Here’s a secret buddy, everyone knows you smoke.  And you might not be able to smell yourself but we can.

I actually feel sorry for smokers.  Now that it has been banned from all indoor spots including clubs, restaurants and everywhere else, there is literally no where else you look cool smoking.  There is a generation of children who are going to wonder why dirty looking people huddle together to stand in a cloud.  Everyone who smokes is going to smoke like they just got their first cigarette, out in the woods somewhere.  It’s really gonna suck.

Here is the original post from Us Versus Them: January 18, 2009.

MAN UP MONDAY: SMOKERS

Baby it is cold outside and almost everyone is catching hell right now.  In the Midwest temperatures were below freezing last week, snow was moving through lots of cities slowing everyone down, and if you didn’t have your coat, hat and glove game tight, you were in for it.  But the winter cold affects one group more than other people.  Smokers.

Sure, when it is summertime that shit seems glamorous.  You can sit at an outdoor cafe sipping cappuccino and wearing your stunna shades and everything is great for the smoker.  But in the winter, everyone knows you aren’t anything but an addict looking for a fix.  The less socially acceptable it becomes, the more desperate you look.

Think about it, the last time smoking was socially cool was in the early 80’s…smoking on airplanes, smoking at the office, smokers ruled the world.  The problem is, the last time smoking actually looked cool was damn near 50 years ago.

Even the smoke looks cool.  Frank has his grip tight, pinky ring blinging, he’s got his whole game together.  Modern smokers might as well be smoking crack at this point.  No smoking in office buildings, they are being banned from all indoor smoking all across the country.  Non-smokers (myself included) just openly antagonize smokers at this point.  Have you ever seen one of those smoking lounges at an airport?  It looks like the fifth ring of hell in there.

The people all look yellow, it is all cloudy in there.  True story, I saw a guy pushing a stroller one time that went to the smokers lounge and stood just inside of the room and kept his arm extended so the stroller stayed outside.  At least he’s thinking about it, but he’s not winning any parent of the year awards for that one.

But winter is my favorite season for smoker watching.  First of all they are huddled in the parking decks and loading docks already.  Or the are forced to stand outside of restaurants…but not right out front, you gotta step down like 10 feet so all the smoke doesn’t blow right back into the building.

Do you huddle up for warmth?  How many breaks do you take a day?  Other than eat food, which is pretty much an essential bodily function, not an elective activity, I can’t think of anything I’d step outside in the freezing cold to do.  Sex would probably get your boy out there, but that is just starting to stretch the metaphor way too far.

I have some questions for smokers:

You know you always smell like shit, right?

Does “your brand” really make a huge difference?

Why do you roll your window down when you smoke and drive?  (See question #1)  Do you hate the smell of smoke too?  Oh, and by the way, it doesn’t help.

How do you always get to my rental car before I do?

Hey Cigar smoker…you know that if there is a smoking section in a restaurant, they aren’t talking about you, right?  That cigar smoke is on a whole different level, we all go home smelling like you.

Fire.  Going into your lungs.  Why?

During the winter, I can’t tell if smokers need to be told to Man Up or Man Down.  I mean these cats outside of my building are going hard right now.  They were in that twenty below like it ain’t shit.  They do need to Man Up and quit smoking though.  You’re just legal drug addicts right now.  I wonder what legalizing marijuana would do?  Would that be socially acceptable to hit during the lunch break?

-Brock