From the outside being rich and famous seems like a great deal.  What’s bad about being rich?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Being rich is great.  Not only can you get whatever you want, but you also don’t have to worry about all of life’s bullshit.  Bottom line, being broke is stressful.  Who wants to worry about whether or not you can do something?  When someone says, “do you want another drink”, I don’t want to have to check or think about it before I offer a resounding, “Yes.” Even worse, I definitely don’t want to have to decide between my cell phone bill and my cable, or my lights and my heat.  That will wear you out quick.

There is only one thing that sucks about being rich, and that is when other people actually know you are rich.  It isn’t a problem trying to figure out how to spend your own money, but when other people are thinking about how to spend it, or judging hot you decide to spend it, that is when the trouble starts.  Which brings me to being famous.

Being famous seems like a pretty good deal too.  People know who you are.  Famous people seem to do a lot of fun stuff.  Make music, play sports, go to awards shows, get free stuff, get in places for free.  Sounds great right?  Yeah, it probably is pretty good as long as you are the right kind of famous.  There is definitely a range.  First, there is Tom Cruise, Oprah, Brad Pitt famous.

Also known as famous and stupid rich.  Tom Cruise has his own freaking planes.

On one hand, they can’t actually do many normal things.  It is a little hard to walk down the street or go shopping when paparazzi and crazy ass fans follow you.  When Tom Cruise went to a Harvard Law School class last spring to listen in on a professor he was working with, there was damn near a riot after class after students were texting and tweeting from class.

OMG! Tom F’n Cruise in n my prop. Class! WTF?!?!?!?!111111/////!

That is a little wild, but when you are rich it is okay.  You can hop in the private jet, hit your estate in Prague, and go catch some first run movies in the theater room while your chef whips up a five star meal.  There is a trade off there, but it seems like they might be able to deal with it.

Then there is the level of pretty famous people.  Sure, they get recognized when they are out, might have to take a few pictures or sign a few autographs when they are out, but in general people see Martha Stewart at Nobu and she can generally eat in peace.  Tom Brady isn’t going to shut down the local Kroger if he needs to run in and grab Giselle some deodorant and a bunch of bananas.  That might be the sweet spot right there.  If you have $80-$100 million and you get to do all the cool shit while people generally leave you alone, that sounds like a pretty good life to me.  Below that we have the people who are famous, but not necessarily rich.

As you can see, generally as you slide down this scale life gets a little bit worse.  If you are a mid level movie or music artist, people generally assume you are rich as hell, but you might not make that much money.  If you clear $1,000,000 a year and you don’t know if you are going to be cut the next year, or if you next album or movie is going to be your last, you might be in bad shape.  Don’t get me wrong, that milli feels good while you’ve got it, but it might suck to pick up every single check and have all your cousins living with you because they think you are rich.  That back up cornerback on the Atlanta Falcons does not make that much money.

That redhead chick from the Pussycat dolls is struggling.

She does have a crazy tail game though.

That dude that is on Sportscenter late Friday night.

Eh-eh.

Then the whole thing bottoms out with the reality stars.  They are famous and recognizable, so everyone has an opinion on them and asshole bloggers like me can talk shit about them, and those cats don’t have loot to show for it.  Those cats from Jersey Shore were getting a spot to stay, which they basically covered by working a job at a t-shirt shop, and $300 a show each.  Those cats are not rich.  They negotiated up for the second season for $10,000 per show.  Sounds great, but Uncle Sam is gonna get about half, so when Snooki and J-WOWW walk away from season 2 with 65K and a swift boot in the ass after they jump the shark long about 3 episodes in, they will be on Celebrity Fit Club and Intervention in three years wondering when it all went wrong.

Sure, $4,000 to show up in some club in Newport, VA is great now, but that is gonna wear off quickly.  I swear I saw a chick working up in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond near my crib that was on Real World Philly or some shit.  I’m just saying she looked familiar, and the harder I looked, the more her face turned in to “please don’t ask, please don’t ask, pleasepleaseplease don’t recognize me.”

For real, I feel like that chick second from the left sold me some tongs and a pillow.  Bed, Bath and Beyond…that ain’t what ya want.

Let’s not even talk about ex-stars.  Ma$e is spelling his name with a regular “s” right now because he’s broke.

Everyone from 98 degrees not named Nick Lachey?  Broke, broke, broke.  And if Nick wasn’t still on that Jessica Simpson loot, he’d be broke too.

Every MTV Vee-Jay other than Carson Daly and La-La because she is about to marry Carmelo, broke.  Hell, Terrance and Rocsi on BET right now aren’t getting paid.  Not real loot.

That is the worst place you can be.  Craig Hodges has two NBA Championship rings and won a three All-Star three point contests.  You think he has loot?  Nah.  Not professional baller money.

The sweet spot of the whole thing is rich and anonymous.  That way people don’t ask you for much and you can do your thing.  You get most of the benefit with none of the pressure.  If you want a little taste of the fame, you can go ahead and be a celebrity businessman.

No one is following Steve jobs around.  Even better, those random second or third on the totem pole bankers and lead partners in law firms who are clocking $80 million are killing it.  Picture Bernie Madoff if he wasn’t actually stealing most of that money.  For every Bernie Madoff who stole the loot, there is someone out there who has that same money and is legit.  They are just walking down the street doing their thing.  Rich as hell without all the baggage.  That has to be the sweet spot.  If you mess up, your business is not in the news, if you do well your second cousin doesn’t show up talking about how they only need $50,000 for this new business they are trying to start.

-Brock, tryin to be rich but only internets famous.