I don’t know why we didn’t cover this five years ago. There may not be a better way to divide Us from Them like fashion. I know style is personal and there are certain people who can pull almost anything off. Key word…almost. There is a line somewhere that can never be crossed by anyone. It is a solid line. Like the bright yellow line on NFL football broadcasts. Unfortunately, some people don’t know where that line is. They don’t know when they cross from style to WTF? But I think Team Us should be able to see where that line is pretty clearly. Let’s start with something that works.
Look, he’s doing some things I wouldn’t do. But he pulls it off. Double earrings. Two collars. Wild string and bead bracelet. But the guy keeps the colors in line and keeps it clean. But the problem is this guy who makes it work makes the next guy think he has to push it just a little bit farther to be unique. My rule is if you want to be a little unorthodox in the way you dress, go for it. But you must apply the “one thing” rule. If you want to rock a wild belt, go for it, just wear it with some plain jeans and a t shirt. You want to wear some blue driving loafers, I guess that’s your thing, just don’t do anything else. You really get screwed when you try to go for three or four things at once.
Like this guy.
My bad, he’s going for 5 things at once. Belt with leather suspenders, bracelets, neck bandanna, stunna shades and a hat? This guy had to realize the shirt had three random buttons on the pocket right? He probably should have stopped there. But at least the guy has a theme. Unlike this dude here.
Jean shorts with a cuff and shoes with ankle dress socks. Nah. That is not okay. People from Bermuda think this guy looks like an asshole. The problem is, this guy is still reasonable. It really goes off the deep end from here.
I hope you scrolled down slowly so those pants just jumped right out at you. I he had stopped at the collar and the man bag he would have been a little further up the page. Actually, this isn’t even his fault. Sure, he should have never bought them, but someone out there should have never made them. Unless he somehow went shopping in the women’s department and really wanted to find something unique. Then there is the fully ridiculous.
No explanation needed. Although I’m pretty sure he swagger jacked both Kwame and Geordi La Forge.
So remember I told you there was a line that no one should cross. Here it is. There is not a person on the face of this earth that can make this next outfit look reasonable.
Did this dude see the episode of Friends where Joey wore all of Chandler’s clothes and thought it was a good idea? When Arsenio Hall’s sportcoat is the most reasonable part of your outfit, you know you got it completely wrong. That isn’t fashion, that guy just looks ridiculous. Keep it simple. Less is more people.
Somehow I did that whole post and only name checked things that were popular in the 90′s. Consider it a bonus.
-Brock
Ha! Can’t stand a poorly dressed man. Mogs walking around dressed in all kinds of fuckery. Listen to Brock boys, you get one outlandish/unique item. And if that item looks like it could be found in the bargain fabric bin at JoAnn’s or the women’s accessory dept, for the love of humanity remove said item and try again.
I would also like to eviscerate the self-important dandies popping up all of these interwebs. These fools took the stylings of Andre 3stacks and fonzworth bentley and ran with it. Except they act as if they are doing something new. No sir. You are modeling your style after something that is from the 30s, has popped up over time, and had the two aforementioned celebs doin it. AND, those people had sense enough to employ a tailor. Next chippy I see with his pants hems all scrunched up is going to get bitch slapped. They had pants guards back then. Get you some or get gone.
@Brock
Does the “one-thing” rule still apply if da one thing is a Gordon Gartrell dress shirt
{http://bit.ly/oh0h57} ?
I think I have the opposite problem as these guys. I have the standard issue white boy wardrobe. There’s nothing fresh about my whole situation at all. Granted, none of the clothes I own are terrible, but I definitely need an upgrade and expansion. Giving a shit has been the major road block but at some point I gotta address this.
@ Ian do you have brown cargo shorts, polos, dirty ball cap, teva flip flops, old running shoes, board shorts, pair of reg jeans, flat front khakis, power blue button up, blue blazer and some dirty bucs or brown driving mocs?
Dudes really do have it easy. i don’t know why some go so hard to mess it up. You only need like 3-4 things staple and your good. As long as you don’t look a complete azz of mess, most women don’t care about your labels, different-ness, etc.
My personal pet peeve is men in short pants. WTF! all you had to do is move over to the next shelf. All of your stuff comes in widths and lengths and its right there in the store. You aren’t ordering over the web and hoping they fit or tailoring like long-legged lady such as myself.
Doesn’t dude in the last pic has the same swoopdee doo as the asian/latino guy from Color Me Badd? LOL turrible
@ Ian
I feel you man. I just go for the clean nilla look. Had the bigger sizes for a while, but lately I have been down sizing shit. Wearing that fitted Euro look a lil more in my day to day
Let’s see….
Fly ass watch, check (read: no diamonds and fake ass jewels, or the big face watch. You ain’t Weezy pimpin. Let’s us a solid Omega as zample)
Erry day kicking it: Iron yo shit
Dress day kicking it: Above avg dress shoes…Dr. Martin’s ain’t cutting it bud….oh and shine dem shits up, and iron yo shit
Club wear: I personally don’t do the club anymore…haven’t in a long time. If you are over, let’s say….30, and in the club, your an asshole, but you should prolly iron yo shit
Couple AHNT’s in my book:
Big buckle? not cool unless you have some tough nut jeans on…and that shit only appeals to a certain set of white people. Had a guy show me a buckle just yesterday. Dat shit looked like a cot damn dinner plate. WTF?
Popped collar: When I pop the collar on my 3 year old son, it’s cute. When you pop your collar, you look like a douche
White T under the dress shirt: Nilla, stop that. I rocked that shit in Jr high. If you are wearing the under shirt for sweat reasons, it’s cool on a long sleeve button down I spose. But on a regular Polo, nope. No need for us to see the wrinkled up white collar sticking out of that open 3rd button.
Just my pinion though….most of the time I got robes and sandals on though….bitches dig it
Gordon Gartell lmao , i rememebr that episode. Theo was shook
Itz,
Nice pre-90′s reference. You can still work the Gordon Gartrell if you keep it tucked in and it is 1991. Right now, that silky yellow might be on the far side of that line under any circumstances. You end up looking like you just get here from eastern europe and want to find the nearest disco. Not club…not club…disco.
@Matta
I remember da first time I seent dat episode too. I had just come home after hanging out wit my niccaz. I was coming down from a high, but still high as shit and decided to watch Nick at nite in da basement/family rec room. Dat shirt had me cracking up for what seemed like hours…. good times.
@Brock
Yea, you right, those eastern European cats can be some wild dressers, lol. Their women are fine though. I will go on da record and say da prettiest white gurls are usually Eastern European. But be cautious, they can be just as crazy as they are fine. Don’t even bother ask how I know this.
@Brock…I was in the D this weekend. I forgot to holla at you to get recommendations. I did see some dude who could have clearly used this post. He went over tailored with his plaid suit, dark rimmed glasses, suspenders, and had the nerve to tuck his tie into his shirt. I think he was going for a Steve Urkel type look.
Gotta run my favorite Detroit song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aktLRiWXfqg
craziest part is that I know the bermuda guy on the left
and yes, he dresses like that often
ps: way to follow up the toughest man up call out in UvT history… these cats were the anti-Al Davis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crnPfls0fHw
I died.
Wait wait wait…. Itz saw the Gordon gartell episode for the first time AS AN ADULT? Black card revoked! You sir are now in the same category as taye diggs – a former member still allowed at nonessential functions because no one hates you enough to ban you for life.
[...] The Rules Of Style (Us Versus Them) [...]
The worst style in Detroit is definitely the old man with the dress pants complete with pleats and metal tipped belt with the tight, shiny Under Armour workout shirt with a sportcoat over it. turrible.
@ Cicely
8 out of 12. I’ll probably knock the other four out by the time I’m 30 though.
@Be
Ha! I wasn’t an adult, I was about 15 at the time. I never really watched da “Cosby Show” though. Although, I did have a thing for Lisa Bonet, especially after I seen dat horror movie she starred in called “Angel Heart” at my homeboy’s crib when I was still a shortie. I used to mostly mess wit “Martin”, “Fresh Prince” and “Baywatch” back in da 90′s.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44891979?gt1=43001#.TpmdajDPu2o
(damn its been a minute since i commented)
Yo Brock, I saw this, HAD to send it to you. Can you do this justice?
@Camelot – haaaa. i was working on this for friday. half done. gotta do it