I know the classic Assology posts have been few and far between. Please rest assured that the important work I do as the worlds leading authority on the Assological sciences and the broader theory of Tailonomics has not slowed down. I will be offering Assology classes in the Spring with a certificate program for those who qualify. You can begin taking old classes online with Assology 101 HERE.

I’m here to announce an important discovery. It is a danger not only to those who have devoted their lives to the study of Assology, but to society as a whole. Any man, at any time can fall victim.

I’m talking about Assnosis.

Assnosis is defined as the phenomenon of being completely hypnotized by a passing ass. It causes distraction, lack of focus, temporary neck twisting, tunnel vision, and in cases when you are driving or operating heavy machinery, even death. Let’s examine the issue.

Here is a classic case of Assnosis. Notice how he doesn’t even know what is going on in the room around him. His jaw has gone slack, his eyes have gone glassy. This man apparently didn’t leave this position and come to for several minutes after the ass in question had left the vicinity.

It can happen to anyone, even stars. Here’s Jake Gyllenhaal at a Lakers game.

If he doesn’t get his act together, he’s going to go sliding right down those stairs. Danger to himself and those around him. Assnosis is real. There isn’t any elaborate set up, no swinging watches or soft talking to lull you into a sleepy state. A pair of wonderful butt cheeks can show up and you can be stunned into Assnosis immediately.

Of course there is the classic Chris Rock photo.

Chris walked right into a wall right after this picture was taken. He had concussion-like symptoms for two weeks.

Assnosis is real. Protect yourselves. The best thing you can do is stay prepared. By spreading awareness, I hope to save a few lives.

-Brock

Man Up Monday as soon as I can keep my eyes open for more than a few minutes.