I love the ladies. Seriously, I love the ladies. And UvT was designed for the people, so we’re not trying to get you content filtered out there. So Lake and I are constantly walking that fine line between comedy and full on wildness. When we started getting ad pitches from full on porn peddlers, we knew we had to roll it back a little bit. That said, you know we still hit you with the occasionally NSFW post. But NSFW is different at different spots. All NSFW is not created equal. If you have a job where you aren’t supposed to access the internet at all, that picture of Jessica Alba on a beach might take you down. If you are an intern at UvT HQ you could probably run RedTube’s greatest hits on a loop and still have your job tomorrow. You gotta identify your workplace.
You know me…I’m here to help. I’m now instituting the Six Point NSFW Scale. Here’s how to use it. First, you need to identify the level of your workplace. We try to be sensitive to what we leave at the top of the site first thing in the morning, but we know good and well that UvT runs at about a constant 2.3. Sorry, that is what you’re dealing with. Most Workplaces are between a 1 and a 2. You’re not supposed to be bullshitting at the job anyway, pics of half nude people isn’t gonna help. If you want to see a 3-4 that is full on “I’m gonna check his out once I get home” range. Once you get into the 4’s you’re probably not gonna want to have wifey around either. 5-6, is turn off the volume and keep your finger on alt tab because your looking at some wild stuff. This is wait until everyone is asleep, find a quiet place alone, erase your history type heat. You know, the stuff the internet was invented for.
1. The “This is really safe for work” – Pictures of chicks in bathing suits.
You shouldn’t be using time at work like this, but it isn’t going to get you fired. You shouldn’t rock that pic as your wallpaper, but you’re gonna keep collecting checks.
2. The “Is this safe?” This is the artistic semi-nude, or the celebrity sideboob.
Rihanna pic from across the room is probably here, but you gotta know it when you see it. SI swimsuit issue, probably good…The issue where the models were wearing nothing but body paint, you’re leaning into the danger zone. You might even get away with a statue tittay. This is where most SFW activity ends.
I’m assuming that you assholes are actually reading this so you ALL know that anything you click beyond this point is NSFW. GOT IT? Good.
3.Tasteful nudes – This is clear NSFW.
The nipple is introduced here. Maybe even a bare arse cheek. This category might pass if things are covered, but you’ve probably got some ‘splainin to do. Exceptions, people who work in photography or art, Kang magazine (R.I.P.)
4.Not tasteful nudes I’m talking coco T and playboy full frontal here.
Like Check out this picture of Coco. Now, she’s technically not naked. But I don’t think those two pieces of string are going to do you any favors. Peep this ad.
Fully naked…kinda funny…they look like they’re buckin, once again…that is a judgment call. You should probably scroll down now, no more heat. I promise.
Coco T could have every naughty bit covered and she still skips right over a three and goes right to a 4. With clothes on and that joint still isn’t safe for work.
5. Things that your grandma didn’t know people took pictures of. This goes beyond full frontal, to really showing some action. Cassie Pics 1 and 2 were a 4…Cassie Pic 3 was a full on 5. Hit that link if you haven’t seen em. (If you are reading this…you are one of US and of course you’ve seen em.)
6. The “You knew good and damn well this isn’t safe for work”. Porn. Full motion, pictured penetration, don’t even get sent to HR fackin. I’m talking just installed a virus on your work computer, banner ads with cack and sack, money shot porn. Type any sexy word into google if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Hell, you can type in a basic word like “chocolate” or “teacher” into Google without safe search on and end up in the right wrong neighborhood.
You’ve been warned. Just know, if we say don’t click it…don’t click it. Around here, you might not even want to hover over it.
So from here on we’ll give you a number with our NSFW designations so you can determine how comfortable you are with clicking that link. We’re here to help.
-Brock
